For a number of years I participated in a Centering Prayer group here in Georgia. While I am no longer actively part of that group, I received many blessings from it — one of which is a series of “Principles for Entering Into Contemplative Dialogue.” These principles were found in a series of booklets called Bridges to Contemplative Living with Thomas Merton edited by Jonathan Montaldo and Robert Toth. Apparently they had adapted these principles from a website, www.contemplativedialogue.org, which at one point was managed by a group called the Centre for Contemplative Dialogue. But when you click on that link now it takes you to a new website called “Active Engagement” which is apparently the same organization but with a new focus.
Since the list of principles in the “Bridges” booklets was designed specifically for use with that material, I’ve adapted the principles to make them more general, and therefore useful in any context where people are gathered and seek to communicate in an intentionally contemplative way. These are not meant to be rules, but guidelines: invitations, perhaps, into a more spacious and contemplative way of speaking.
Principles for Contemplative Dialogue
Adapted from principles created by the Centre for Contemplative Dialogue and the “Bridges to Contemplative Living” Series
- When speaking, focus on your “lived experience” and how the topic of discussion (or the material being discussed) connects to your everyday life. Keep your comments rooted in your own experience, rather than abstract, philosophical or theoretical ideas.
- Express your own thoughts knowing that others will listen and reflect upon what you say. Those who listen may or may not respond verbally; either way, choose to trust that they are hearing you. It is generally helpful to use “I” statements or to frame your remarks with a phrase like “my experience has been…” Statements like “I believe…” or “I am confused by…” or “I feel…” helps to keep your words rooted in your experience, instead of commenting on what others may or may not be experiencing.
- Pay attention to the assumptions, attitudes, and experiences underlying your initial or surface thoughts on the topic. It may be helpful to ponder what makes you feel the way you are feeling, or why a specific word or phrase in the reading material or the conversation seems to speak to you.
- Remember to listen first and refrain from thinking about how you might respond to another’s comments. Simply listen to and accept another’s thoughts on the subject without trying to challenge, critique, or even respond aloud to them.
- Trust the group, and trust the contemplative dialogue process. Notice how each participant’s ideas, reflections, common concerns, assumptions, and attitudes come together and form a collective group mind.
- Reflect before speaking and be concise. Make one point or relate one experience, then stop and allow others to do the same. If you are the kind of person who enjoys speaking in a group, be sure to create the space for all others to take their turn. If you tend not to speak as much, give yourself permission to speak and trust that your perspective is important to the overall group experience.
- Expect periods of silence during the sharing. Learn to be comfortable with the silence and resist the urge to speak just because there is silence.
- Avoid cross-talking: refrain from the temptation to interrupt others, to pursue tangents unrelated to the group’s chosen topic, and/or to give advice or seek to help others in the group, and/or to debate with them. And just as you learn not to speak in response to others’ words, so too you may adjust to saying something and not receiving a response and to listening without asking a question, challenging, or responding directly. Simply speaking to the theme or idea from your own experience takes some practice. Be patient with yourself and the other members of your group and watch for deepening levels of dialogue.
At first these principles may feel performative or artificial, but I encourage any group that seeks to communicate in a contemplative manner to put these principles into practice, being gentle with one another whenever you make a “mistake” while continuing to uphold these principles as the keys to fostering those “deepening levels of dialogue.” It’s been my experience that when a group gently and intentionally holds these principles, the contemplative dialogue that can emerge can go very deep indeed. It’s worth learning a new way of communicating. I hope you and your group finds it useful.
